Something’s been nagging at me, and if I can’t abuse my position for personal means here at Film Junk every once in awhile, what’s the point? As we approach the release date of Dragonball: Evolution, the number of objections to the movie seem to have steadily increased. I was without a television during most of the time that the show aired, so I’m not very familiar with it, but my brothers were and I did manage to catch a few episodes when I’d visit them. One thing that struck me about the show was that it wasn’t opposed to taking its time. I remember being fascinated that my brothers were enthralled by the three episodes that we watched together, which involved two characters shaking with barely controlled power on opposite sides of a chasm as they traded threats with one another. Three episodes of vibrating shit-talking is the very definition of a slow burn.

I can fully appreciate that many people aren’t excited about the movie. I’m the guy who was looking forward to Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li and even I’m not that interested. It’s just that almost all the comments either nitpick details or dismiss the entire thing without going into reasons why, and while those are valid responses, they don’t help me understand the fanaticism this show brings out in people. I’m also curious because, unlike properties like Batman or Spider-Man that have segments that can standalone, Dragonball seems to be one long continuous storyline without obvious pieces to cut out without effecting the entire shebang. I mean, if you filmed from the beginning without skipping anything you wouldn’t even reach Piccolo until the 18th movie.

I normally wouldn’t ask something like this, but my assignment for fans of the show is to tell us what your ideal Dragonball movie would look like. Your imaginary movie can be no more than 2 hours long with a budget under 200 million, there are no casting restrictions beyond the monetary (casting lots of big name actors will lower your budget in other areas, including special effects), it should be understandable to a non-fan, and it must end in a satisfying way in the event that there are no sequels. Let your voices be heard, Dragonball fans!

“I shall never permit anything bearing my signature to be banalised and vulgarised into the flat infantile twaddle which passes for ‘horror tales’ amongst radio and cinema audiences!” – H.P. Lovecraft

Universal has picked up the film rights for The Strange Adventures of H.P. Lovecraft, a comic that imagines what would happen if horror author H.P. Lovecraft inadvertently unleashed his creations upon an unsuspecting world. Rumour has it that they hope to add Lovecraft’s Cthulhu Mythos to their legendary line-up of classic monsters. The most surprising aspect of this story is that Ron Howard is being considered for the director’s chair.

Movies based on the famous author’s works are so prevalent that there exists an annual H.P. Lovecraft Film Festival, however with few exceptions the major studios have shied away from his stories. It was assumed that the next major attempt at big-screen Lovecraftian horror would be At the Mountains of Madness by Guillermo Del Toro, but with so many other commitments Ron Howard may just get there first. Is first-time horror director Ron Howard capable of filming the unimaginable, or will Lovecraft once again be banalised and vulgarised?

Not even COBRA can stop the spoilers that result from advance solicitations for movie merchandise. The action figure packaging for the movie version of Cobra Commander has been revealed, and it isn’t pretty. According to the file card on the back of the package, “COBRA COMMANDER hides a deadly secret few others know, just as his mask covers disfiguring damage from a fiery accident.”

I wasted countless hours after school devouring the likes of Transformers, Thundercats and G.I. Joe, but I’m hardly beholden to their memory. It’s perfectly understandable when some things have to be cut or altered for the sake of a different medium. I just can’t comprehend why anyone would decide to develop a property and discard one of the most compelling images from it. Both of Cobra Commander’s masks were elegant and iconic, adding a tantalizing mystery to a character whose origins were shrouded in mystery (G.I. Joe: The Movie and the comic series excepted). Why anyone would trade in the character’s original fascist cult leader attire for this generic, overcomplicated get-up is beyond my understanding. Is it just me, or is the cartoon version of G.I. Joe looking more subtle and less ridiculous than the movie adaptation?

Despite my interest in the character, I wasn’t aware until just recently that Steven Spielberg and Peter Jackson’s adaptation of Hergé’s bande dessinée Tintin was going to be CGI. Part of me was excited by an old-school live-action adventure movie like Raiders of the Lost Ark, or at the very least rendered in something approximating the ligne claire school of cartooning. Unfortunately, my hopes were dashed when I learned that Spielberg recently wrapped up 32 days of motion-capture work for the project.

There are few things that rile me as much as motion-capture. Typically, it takes twice as much time and effort for something half as good as if you were to just keyframe it. It seems like just another way for clueless executives to pretend they have a hand in the creative process. That said, this could just be growing pains for the technology, in which case it’s entirely possible that motion capture could one day become good enough to be worth the hassle. But probably not. Still, I’m hopeful that I’m mistaken and my heart will grow three sizes on the day Tintin is release in theatres. Are Spielberg and Jackson a good match for Belgium’s favourite cub reporter?

My favourite sub-sub-genre of all time has got to be the Underwater Nazi Zombie film, so it should come as no surprise that the promo footage for Worst Case Scenario is second only to Ong Bak 2 in repeated viewings at my place. I especially enjoy the one shown below, with the slowly drifting dread just out of reach but steadily closing the gap. Those promos were released in 2006, and zombie fans around the world have been holding out for more ever since. Our wait finally appears to be over, but unfortunately not in a good way. Twitch is reporting that the production is still without proper funding, and that it may never see the light of day. Anyone have a spare 5 million?

With Worst Case Scenario in limbo, director Richard Raaphorstand and his crew are retooling pieces of that movie into a new concept, Army of Frankenstein. While I’m equally excited by that idea, I don’t know what chance a Frankenstein movie has if zombie mayhem isn’t able to attract investors. Could the triumphant return of the Underwater Nazi Zombie phenomenon be over before it even began?

“Why is it okay to do a live-action adaptation of a graphic novel but not a graphic novel adaptation of a live-action film… that moves?”

Not many people realize this, but due to a clerical error George Romero’s zombie masterpiece Night of the Living Dead is in the public domain. That’s why you can find such a prestigious film slapped on public domain discs all over the land. As if that wasn’t bad enough, Night of the Living Dead has been remade, colourized, re-dubbed, converted to 3-D, and had new scenes inserted into it and packaged as a new movie. And just when you think there wasn’t any other way to tinker with the film, along comes a company planning on making an animated version.

I made my peace with the tampering of Night of the Living Dead long ago, but this is beyond the pale. While I respect Re:Naissance’s right to do this, I can’t understand why. A cartoon version of a public domain movie could be interesting if the animation brought something new to the table, like a strong graphic style or different modes of expression, but to rotoscope the entire thing with character designs that look like the original actors but uglier, well, what’s the point?

What really drives me to despair is that this project could very well be financially successful. Many of those previously mentioned Night of the Living Dead off-shoots have been snatched up by rabid horror fans, even when they know they stink. Here’s hoping sanity prevails and this abomination gets buried. Is this a train wreck at 24 frames a second, or are you looking forward to your favourite movies getting the same treatment?

A group of thugs abduct and torture two young girls before taking refuge from a storm in the home of one of their victims. When the girl’s parents learn of the crime, they decide to commit some atrocities of their own.

With just about every iconic horror film getting an update, it was only a matter of time before The Last House On The Left would be considered. The only question remaining being what form this notorious revenge film would take 37 years later, when something as brutal as the original probably wouldn’t see the light of day.

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While making the rounds for his upcoming comedy Observe and Report, Seth Rogen let slip a few tidbits concerning The Green Hornet. Stephen Chow is still in as Kato, though he has yet to make a full commitment, and Michel Gondry may be trading in his handcrafted special effects for something entirely different.

Me and Evan have actually approached him with ideas like maybe we could do something like this…you could do some of your weird people made out of string and shit like that. He’s like, “No, I don’t want to any of that. The fact that you think I want to do that drives me crazy and makes me never want to do anything like that again.”

It’s especially brave for Gondry to turn his back on the weird string people when that was the reason he was probably hired in the first place. Still, it will be interesting to see what he cooks up. Just because Gondry isn’t going to replicate any of his old tricks doesn’t mean he doesn’t have entirely new ones up his sleeve. So long as he doesn’t cave from the hassles that can come from making a blockbuster, this should be the most idiosyncratic superhero movie since Rat Pfink a Boo Boo. Does Gondry’s evolution as a filmmaker have you excited for The Green Hornet, or are you mourning the loss of the weird string people?

The publicity machine for the latest adaptation of Osamu Tezuka’s Astro Boy is finally gearing up with its first full trailer. This is only Imagi Animation Studios second theatrical release after the successful TMNT feature. I imagine they’re hoping Astro Boy repeats the success of their previous film rather than that other recent adaptation of ’60s anime, Speed Racer.

I’m torn on this trailer. While some of the character designs are nicely exaggerated and the Tezuka cameo made me smile, the overall look of the movie seems diluted. Without a strong visual identity, and with a plot as worked over as this one, Astro Boy needs something special to make it all worthwhile. Hopefully the movie follows the manga in at least one regard, and reveals the pathos behind its candy-colored exterior. He may be stronger than all the rest, but do you think this mighty robot will pass the test?

The Expendables is far and away my most posted topic since I started here at Film Junk, and it has at least as much to do with who has declined a role in the movie as it does with those who agreed. Along with Jean-Claude Van Damme, Kurt Russell has topped the list of action stars most desired for inclusion, particularly for fans of Stallone and Russell’s Tango and Cash. Unfortunately, Russell has yet another thing in common with Van Damme; according to Stallone, Russell was offered a part but turned it down.

I’m as disappointed as anyone that Russell won’t be joining The Expendables, but I’m always impressed when actors turn down a relatively sure thing. While there could be any number of reasons for their refusal, both Russell and Van Damme have been in the business long enough that they’ve earned the right to follow their muse, and only history will tell whether they chose poorly. Does Russell’s refusal to appear in Stallone’s epic pain you? And who else would you place in the Expendables derby?

I don’t know if it’s disinterest or self-preservation that has kept me from following James Cameron’s return to cinema, Avatar. I like to think it’s the latter, and that I want to know as little as possible before stepping into the theatre. That said, a little information never hurt, and Time magazine was lucky enough to catch a glimpse of Cameron’s sci-fi epic.

I couldn’t tell what was real and what was animated–even knowing that the 9-ft.-tall blue, dappled dude couldn’t possibly be real. The scenes were so startling and absorbing that the following morning, I had the peculiar sensation of wanting to return there, as if Pandora were real.

CGI is still in its infancy. I look forward to a day when its use in mainstream movies isn’t just a means to mimic reality or attempt to flawlessly integrate the unreal with flesh and blood, but also to explore new modes of expression. Considering James Cameron’s track record the release of Avatar could be that time, though I have to admit that my enthusiasm is somewhat dampened by this news. Will James Cameron be able to save us from the mediocrity of modern CGI extravaganzas?

There are so many horror remakes coming down the pike that I’m having trouble keeping track of them all. So I was surprised to discover that the remake for the 1983 slasher opus The House on Sorority Row already has a trailer available. In the movie, five sorority sisters engage in a prank that goes horribly wrong, forcing them to bury the evidence in order to save their reputations. After graduation, that past mistake comes back to haunt them in the form of a hooded killer with a grudge and a cross wrench.

With a slasher movie, as in most things, execution is everything. The recent resurgence in slasher films has brought us a number of remakes, like Halloween, Friday The 13th and My Bloody Valentine, which contain so many tweaks to the concept that they barely resemble the sub-genre they’re meant to represent. While it’s impossible to gauge such important elements as suspense and characterization from the trailer, I continue to hold out hope that someday a modern mainstream slasher movie can deliver the goods and I think when it does it will come from somewhere unexpected, like Sorority Row. Is anyone else excited by this new slasher renaissance?