Despite reports that Quentin Tarantino’s upcoming western is coming together nicely, not all is well in the director’s world. Apparently, Mr. Tarantino is suing his neighbor, who happens to be fellow Academy Award-winning screenwriter Alan Ball, due to the noise caused by his exotic birds. The Pulp Fiction director claims that ever since Ball installed an “exotic bird menagerie”, he’s been forced to listen to a stream of “obnoxious pteradactyl-like screams” for seven to eight hours a day. Naturally, the noise has caused Tarantino considerable trouble when attempting to write at home. Now he wants those birds silenced once and for all. Are a bunch of squawking birds delaying a new film by Tarantino? If so, that’s a true crime against humanity!

The actual lawsuit itself is an amusing read and can be viewed here. The style of writing makes me wonder if Tarantino himself actually had a hand in drafting it. Here’s one of my favorite bits:

“Though one might assume that, as a fellow writer, Mr. Ball would understand and respect a writer’s need for peace and quiet while he is working, that assumption would be wrong.”

In the realm of celebrity feuds, this could be one of the odder cases I’ve heard of. And not to make light of the situation too much, but the idea of two Academy Award-winning screenwriters fighting with each other over birds is kind of humorous. Here’s hoping that this issue will be resolved quickly and that everyone can live peacefully with each other.

My solution: Tarantino should get his old buddy Samuel L. Jackson to intervene, paraphrasing his signature line from Snakes on a Plane. “Enough is enough! I’ve had it with these motherfucking birds in this motherfucking aviary!”