Greg’s 2010 TIFF Report: Day 7

For Jackson.

5 movies today. 3 very good. 1 average and 1 very, very bad.

I hadn’t planned on five films today, but as I scanned the paper, I put together a decent schedule where I could fit it all in. At the moment, I regret that decision because it’s 2:50am and I’m just starting my blog and I have a strange craving for Pop-Tarts. Chocolate. I bought some of the ones that are supposed to taste like a strawberry milkshake earlier in the week and I’m not impressed. Late night food choices when you’re hungry usually end up on the bad side. I’ve been found standing in front of the boxes of pizza pockets in my grocer’s freezer (that’s for you, Franchise) at 3am on many occasions. Moving on…

Up first is a trip to the Elgin Theatre for Passion Play starring Mickey Rourke. I picked this movie based solely on the fact that Mickey Rourke starred in it. That’s good. Then I found out that Megan Fox was in it. That’s bad. Then I heard she played a stripper. That’s good. Then I found out she played a bird woman. That’s bad. Wait. What? Megan Fox played a bird woman. Before we go any further, I would also like to point out that the second actor you seen on screen after Mickey Rourke is UFC legend “The Ice Man” Chuck Liddell. Fuck me. Here’s the set up: Rourke plays a trumpeter who has some problems with a big time gangster. He’s about to get whacked in the desert when his killer gets shot by Native Americans. Rourke stumbles on to a freak show circus where he meets Megan Bird Fox. He falls for her (I don’t know why) and decides to rescue her and take her away from the circus. Turns out her wings are real and when Rourke discovers this asks if she’s an angel and I shit you not, her response was this: “I’m no angel. I’m a bird-woman.” Fuck me. I don’t think the movie was finished because you could see the green screen in some parts. It was that bad. Rourke was good and the best part of the movie was the gangster played by an uncredited Bill Murray. When Megan Bird Fox breaks Rourke’s heart a single feather falls from her wing. It was at this point that I had had enough and I walked out. I was one of the last to walk out. Just brutal. I saw the same usher that let me out of the theatre later on in the afternoon and I asked him how Passion Play ended and he said: (Spoiler alert!!!) “It was all a dream. He was still in the desert about to get whacked the whole time.” Fuck off. What a fucking cop out. Lazy, bullshit writing and shitty Megan Fox.

I have some time before my next one, so I grab sushi with my brother. At one point, he ordered a green tea and they brought him water. When he asked for tea again, they took away his plate. Hilarious. Reminded me a bit of the soup nazi. All you can eat sushi was a bad idea because I really wanted to take a nap.

Next up was Casino Jack starring Kevin Spacey as a hot shot Washington D.C. lobbyist and he and his protege go down hard as their plans to gain influence lead to corruption and murder. Also stars Barry Pepper and Jon Lovitz who steals every single scene he’s in. He was hilarious, but it wasn’t a comedy. The movie was just okay though. I thought the music selection was terrible and Spacey’s character did bad movie quote impressions throughout the entire film. That was annoying. Spacey was mostly annoying in general too. I just don’t think he’s a good actor. He had The Usual Suspects, Se7en and American Beauty back to back to back and he’s been riding those coattails every since.

That was it for my TIFF films but it was barely 4pm and I had nothing to do. Luckily, today is Friday and that means there are tons of new movies out in theatres.

I decided to check out Easy A. This one stars Emma Stone from Superbad and Zombieland. Loosely inspired by the Scarlett Letter, Stone plays Olive, a good student and teen overall who uses the school’s rumour mill to boost her social standing. It backfires. Surprised? Basically, she lets people think she’s a giant whore because she has felt mostly invisible throughout her high school career. Slutty and popular is better than being a virgin and lonely. I thought this movie was great. Reminded me a lot of Mean Girls. Olive is a smart character and had great dialogue written for her. Stanley Tucci and Patricia Clarkson play her parents and they are both a riot. It’s quick, witty and is a smart, smart story.

Another new film starting today is based on a story written by M. Night Shyamal…umm…M. Night Shallaman…wait, I’ll get it…M. Night Shellayam. Christ. You know who I mean. It’s called Devil. It’s mostly no-name actors, but one of the main detectives is played by Josh Peace. I went to school with Josh Peace in grade 7 and 8, so I was pretty GD surprised to see him in this. This movie was surprisingly decent. 5 people get trapped in an elevator and one by one they end up dying because one of them secretly is the Devil. Some good scares and the story as always with M. Night has some twists and turns. Maybe his directing is the problem. Lately his films have been garbage, but this one where he is just the story writer? Not bad at all.

Finally, the last movie is The Town, the new film directed by Ben Affleck. I’ll give the man respect. He put out a really good movie. It also stars him as well as Chris Cooper, Pete Postlethwaite and Jeremy Renner from the Hurt Locker. It’s about a small town outside of Boston where a group of four friends rob banks and armoured trucks and continue to not get caught. From start to finish this film was very exciting. Some great action sequences as Affleck knows his stuff. The movie gets interesting when Affleck starts to fall for a girl who was the manager of the last bank they robbed. The FBI get involved and we’re treated to a couple of great car chases and a hell of a shootout on their latest heist. Great action, a good story and Affleck gets to let his thick Boston accent fly. Wicked Ahwsome!

Been a long day and I have 3 or 4 movies tomorrow.

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  • Goon

    did you make the 10:30 screening after all? The Town was pretty great actually, a lot like Heat. Could make Affleck an A-Lister again I think, not just because he’s good but because he’s good in a movie I think a lot of people are going to go see.

  • William

    Great job Greg, had to laugh at that passion play review, the ending sounds like a complete and utter cop out.

  • Kasper

    Sounds like Rourke is well on his way to becoming a no-name washed out actor again!

  • Fatbologna (as Jackson)

    Mwah mwha! I’m sick of this petty drivel, Gregory! I’ve spent all week sitting in my bedroom doing nothing but reading your reports and masturbating with buttery popcorn hands while thinking about how much I hate your stupid pompadour-capped head! Why can’t you write the way I want you to, Gregory? I want you to write about how the movies REALLY made you feel. Your writing is juvenile at best, Gregory and I’ve had enough! I expect you to spend your time catering to MY needs! I’M the reason this stupid little no-account operation even EXISTS! WRITE FOR MEEEE! MAKE ME HAPPYYYY! DO AS I WISH! FILL MY NEEDS!

    I love you, Greg… why don’t you love me?

  • Fatbologna

    Oh yeah, can’t wait to see The Town!

  • Napalm

    the passion play review was hilarious. i’m so fucking jealous of you guys, aka the FJ roster, just going around the town watching movies all day haha. both Easy A and The Town are on my watch-list. after finally seeing Gone Baby Gone the other day, i started to gain respect for Affleck again.