Cantankerous Episode #9: Watermelon Popsicles


Thankfully, I’ve had this episode of Cantankerous on hold for a while now, in case of emergencies and such. With Sean in Japan and no Film Junk podcast for this week, I thought it might be a good idea to break the glass and pull the Reed Alarm (a sound so obnoxious it will drive even the most jaded businessmen fleeing out of an office building, fire or not). This week Reed talks about his watermelon popsicles, Beatles rock band, a clogged urethra and the death of MJ, among other things.

It’s time to sit back, remove your pants and light your face on fire. Cantankerous, Episode #9, is here to stay.

NOTE: Unfortunately, I do not have the technical skills to update our many Cantankerous feeds, so until Sean returns from Japan, you will have to simply download the mp3 below. Thanks for your patience dudes.

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  • Hannes

    Great! I love cantankerous

  • Matt

    Yeah awesome, new cantankerous is always a pleasant surprise. Looking forward to listening to it.

  • Goon

    it would have been ultimate surprise of the night if i didnt know it had been in the can for about a month now. as it stands, my surprise of the night was the Cleveland Show doing the Flea Market Montgomery rap… and I knew they’d get to that eventually.

  • Jay, what’s that awesome song at the end of the episode?

  • Yay! I love being the circumference of attention.

    I think I’ve mentioned this before, but that Batman hoodie I’m wearing was a Birthday present from Jay.

    On an unrelated note and in breaking news, I’ve sold my Reed mobile! It was featured in a few Film Junk videos done by Jay. I would have resorted to auctioning it off on Film Junk if I couldn’t find a buyer, but someone recognized how precious my vehicle was and it was sold in no time at all. I miss the Reed mobile already.

  • Henrik

    This was funny.

  • kris

    if jay and sean died simultaneosuly who who you eat first?

    im waiting for a cantankerous reenactment like the last smodcast

    reed makes youtube videos?

  • Walter White

    Great stuff. The whole dating part was hilarious. “What, like a Star Trek bong or something?”

  • rebecca romain noodle

    [debating whether to eat the bodies]
    Antonio ‘Sean’ Vizintín: I think God would want us to survive. Strive to live.
    Reed Gustavo Zerbino: At all costs?
    Antonio ‘Sean’ Vizintín: No. I mean, we shouldn’t murder innocents to live.
    Reed Gustavo Zerbino: And what about our innocence? What’s gonna become of our innocence if we survive as cannibals?

  • Napalm

    great episode! ya’ll need to tackle more crazy/out there topics next time! :D

  • Falsk

    Sigh. What a week for the Mac to be in the shop. Guess this’ll have to way until Friday or so.

  • swarez

    The image of Reed licking a frozen water melon creeps me out.

  • Damndirtyape

    If you ever want to read any Stephen King short stories, be sure to check out “Survivor Type” in the book “Skeleton Crew.” It’s all about auto-cannibalism.

  • Jay is meatier, so I’d eat him first.

    I don’t make YouTube videos, but Jay and Sean have posted a few old “so bad that they’re bad” videos that I did a long time ago in this galaxy.

    rebecca romain noodle, I loved your comment. You made me look up who Vizintin and Zerbino are.

    Falsk, you’ve destroyed the image I have of Macs being infallible. BTW, your Mac is pretty awesome to be able to post your comment while it’s in the shop. :-)

    swarez, I should get Jay to film reactions from pedestrians as I walk down a wintry street licking a frozen water melon slice.

    Damndirtyape, one of these days I’ll get around to finding out what’s so great about this author named Stephen King.

  • Mike Marshall: The end song is ‘Sacré Charlemagne’ by France Gall.

  • Andrew

    Great episode guys. My monday morning has vastly improved.

  • Falsk

    Reed– Macs are shiny, polished pieces of shit and I fucking hate Apple for getting me addicted to a product that craps out every 18-24 months and causes me to shell out hundreds of dollars.

    For now I’m suffering the wrath of my ten year old PC notebook I used in high school. Doesn’t even have iTunes… just Winamp. So cute.

  • swarez

    Reed I want a pin up gallery of you licking various frozen fruits in a bathing suit.

  • “Macs are shiny, polished pieces of shit and I fucking hate Apple for getting me addicted to a product that craps out every 18-24 months and causes me to shell out hundreds of dollars.”

    Don’t listen to her Reed! Macs are the best!!!!!!

  • Goon

    the only problems i’ve really ever had with Macs is the G5’s i had to use at school for web design constantly overheated and needed technicians in. at one point 10 of 25 computers were down because of this.

  • Falsk

    Well aren’t you the lucky one? -_-

  • Henrik

    I hate Mac and the trendy culture, but the Macs I edited on in school were amazing.

  • Changwa Steve (not asian)

    This is off topic, but…damn, reed, why do you take crap from Greg the glorified stockboy? You are a highly-compensated computer programmer. You retired early. He will likely struggle from paycheck to paycheck until overwork lays him in an early grave. Put him in his place once in a while.

  • /\/\/\/\/\/\/\Reed and Greg are lovers, you are hearing the way they flirt dill weed

  • Damndirtyape

    >> You are a highly-compensated computer programmer. You retired early.

    LOL I alays thought Reed sort of dropped out of society and lived off the dole. Sort of a weird Howard Hughes hermit thing but without the wealth and fame.

  • Changwa Steve, I’m a slow thinker so I’m terrible at comebacks. I’m the kind of person who needs to contemplate a situation and then realize the next day what the proper action or response should have been.

    Greg and I haven’t hung out often enough for me to be offended by any “insults” he sends my way. And to be honest, I realize that I deserve to be ridiculed for much of what comes out of my mouth and other orifices. And, hopefully, Greg’s insults are intended as comedic effect for the benefit of Film Junk listeners.

    In general, I do find that people who insult other people are compensating for some deficiency in themselves or their lives. Witness the commenters at Film Junk. Ha ha. (Sorry, rus.)

  • kyriacos

    Reed i ll tell you something mate… you asians never get old.. i mean you don’t really look old.. you could easily go out with a minor.. like if you told me you were 18 i would totally buy it.. no offense here.. really .. you don’t look old.. AT ALL

    So go for it! never to late to fall in love.. or smth…

  • John

    This is the best format. Sean and Jay very casually, almost disinterestedly, slinging questions and queries at Reed who then has to answer without contemplation. Its the contemplation that made previous Cantankerous’ tedious. Keep it up!

  • Reed-tard

    Outro, Intro song? please?

  • asdasd


    He doesn’t look old cause he is mentally retarded, not because he is asian. Mentally retarded people look like they are about 25-30 from the age of 5 till they die.

  • stfu dude, the mockery can only go so far. I personally think Reed is a really smart guy, who just happens to be a little awkward when put in front of a mic.

  • But then again i’ve never personally met him ;D

  • kyriacos

    no.. i like reed… i think he is a cool guy…
    he just like bad movies..
    i want him more often on the show.. he cracks me up with all his goofy stories and fetishes… he is like the comic relief of the show..
    i know he can’t really articulate a joke.. but he Creates Jokes for other people..

    of-course if i ware him i would seriously consider opening an online star-trek toy shop and sell all of his crap.. ..except from that DELICIOUS finger-sucking sex toy monkey of his..

    -special prices for hot chicks-


  • Pete

    You and Greg should have a podcast…”Diplomatic Immunity”….some of the best moments have been with the two of you interacting…sparring..Greg being shocked…you being you…

  • ProjectGenesis

    I’d love to know what Reed thinks of the Heene Balloon Hoax.

  • Thx, Drew, for coming to my defense once again. I really don’t take offense at anyone’s comments on Film Junk, because I admit that I invite these kinds of comments with the things I say. Actually, I’m kind of awkward even without a mic in my face. In group situations at least. I do find it awkward being introduced to strangers on the street or at parties. Though I think I’m personable in one-on-one situations.

    I’m telling you, if the Film Junk podcast ever introduced a female into the mix, the whole dynamic would change at least with regards to the way I would behave.

    I’d be open to a podcast with just me and Greg. Not sure what we would discuss.

    With regards to the balloon thing, I’m surprised we don’t hear more about people launching themselves or other objects into the air. It’s kind of ingenious how so much publicity was generated. I haven’t followed the story very much other than simply reading headlines. Too bad someone didn’t release one of these helium balloons in Moscow when that weird cloud formation appeared.

  • Kyriacos

    Reed how about doing a podcast with u greg and a hooker from the street? Hah?
    i ll be interested in that..

  • Pete

    naw too sitcom…actually the whole is idea is too sitcom…Odd Couple..BLAH but i still like the idea of a Greg podcast called DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY…

  • Greg

    I would love to be on a podcast called ‘Diplomatic Immunity’.

  • asdasd


  • finaljoe

    Please stop using that picture … it’s disturbing.

  • Pete

    Hey Greg you should do at least one…theres an episode where you kind of said you d be open to doing it…and for some reason that title popped into my head right off the bat…so ive sat quietly for months on this…i can remain silent no more..

    its a shame you have no other experience besides FJ to go off of…im sure Jay and Sean would have no probs walking you through the whole broadcast thing…and Reed could help with public speaking …

    as a long time listener i d love to see you come out of your shell…


  • @Reed-tard and asdasd: The intro song is “Tomorrow Never Knows” by The Beatles, and the outro song as Jay mentioned in comment #15 is “Sacré Charlemagne” by France Gall.

    I have no idea what inspired Jay to use that French children song from 1964, but it’s the type of song that can brighten up a non-cynical person’s day. BTW, there’s an interesting video for this song on YouTube. I guess The Beatles didn’t invent the music video with their promo videos for Strawberry Fields and Penny Lane. :-)

  • The Het

    I could listen to this all day. Endlessly entertaining.

  • Sean, I can’t believe you managed to find a photo of me eating watermelon for the scrolling featured posts menu. You should replace the Batman photo with that one!

  • Ait

    Cantankerous is by far the most entertaining podcast ever!

    More please!

  • Andrew

    Reed, I never tire of your unique view of the world. I could listen to you, Greg and Jay talk about pretty much nothing all day, and I’d be pleased as a pig in shit. Please keep Cantankerous going, I crave another episode.

  • Andrew, thx for your ego stroking comment. Sometimes I wonder if there are a group of eighty or so nice people around the world pulling some pleasant cosmic joke on me by saying how much they like Cantankerous. I pretty much trust Jay and Sean’s judgment, so I let them gauge when the world is ready for another Cantankerous.

  • Zoo

    I’d like to see Reed and Greg do a Coach’s Corner type podcast where Reed is the moderator and Greg is the Don Cherry type commentator. Since I’m a Habs fan like Greg, I’d want him to stick mainly to his views on Les Canadiens.

    It doesn’t matter that Reed doesn’t know much about hockey. He would just need to prime Greg with some basic questions and let Greg run with it. That’s basically what Ron Maclean does.

    Reed would have to work on some really corny puns to close out the show but I’m sure he could handle that.

    Greg could talk more about his wrestling also.

  • Greg’s a Habs fan? I’m a Habs fan, too! But my eras are the Jean Beliveau and Guy Lafleur days.

    I have a fair knowledge of hockey actually, but I am out of touch with the latest rules. I tend not to watch sports nowadays. I’d rather play them.

    I was just thinking the other day that with the new materials and padding available, hockey uniforms should be like Superman costumes so that you could see the player physiques with some padding added of course. Having the cape flowing as a player speeds down the ice would be cool. And you could use the cape to screen the goalie although a penalty should maybe be called for this.

    Anyway, Zoo, I wonder if there’s anyone doing live play-by-play commentating over the Internet. There could be a market for this, especially for knowledgeable and entertaining commentators.