Screenplay Junkie #7: I Heart Script Girl

Adam Volk is a wannabe screenwriter trying desperately to break into the industry and cram his hack drivel down Hollywood’s gaping maw. Each week he examines one aspect from the wonderfully demented world of screenwriting.

Remember that hot, yet surprisingly nerdy girl you used to go to high school with? You know, the kind of chick who could rock a mini-skirt and angora sweater while still quoting Star Wars and debating the finer points of old kung fu movies? Now imagine she grew up, filled out, and ended up working for a film production company in L.A. where she hosts her own popular web show, and you have something of an idea as to who and what Script Girl is all about.

For those of you who haven’t heard of her before, the busty and bespectacled Script Girl is the nom de plume of an unidentified production assistant who works for an equally unidentifiable Los Angeles studio. Finding any kind of details on the real identity of Script Girl is about as likely as figuring out who capped JFK as the girl seems to just kind of exist in the ethernet ether. Maybe she’s in the Harvey Weinstein witness protection program or refused to donate her bodily fluids to the Church of Scientology, but for whatever reason, Script Girl is keeping her real identity to herself. And hey, that’s cool.

The premise of Script Girl’s web show, however, is brilliant in its simplicity: each week she offers a detailed Hollywood script sales report highlighting which screenplays have been bought and sold and including a brief synopsis of the project and the key figures involved. Throw in plenty of humour, movie references, hilariously low budget effects and yes, T&A, and Script Girl is well on her way to becoming the biggest internet phenomenon this side of Ask a Ninja.

On the surface Script Girl could easily be mistaken as an attempt to placate lusty fanboys, but there’s little doubt that beneath her ample cleavage beats the heart of a true film geek. Peering over her desk with her Tina Fey glasses and girl next door good looks, Script Girl comments are insightful, funny and – for aspiring writers – undeniably useful. Sure her reports contain plenty of industry jargon and name dropping that only L.A. latte-suckers will find interesting, but more often than not, they’re also told with a scathingly acerbic wit, taking jabs at the ridiculous nature of Hollywood and presenting it all in a hilariously accessible format that almost anyone can enjoy.

For aspiring and professional screenwriters alike, Script Girl has become nothing short of the patron saint of Final Draft Version 7. Sure wannabe word monkeys can pour over the trades and browse Variety, but in one simple and easy to digest weekly video report, those shopping around their specs and hoping desperately to land an agent, can find out just what is (and isn’t) selling in LA-LA land. In this sense, Script Girl is more than just mindless entertainment; she’s practically a public service announcement for down on their luck wordsmiths.

Yes, Script Girl is the real deal, a smart, sexy and entertainingly insightful online force of screenplay dispensing wisdom. Maybe it’s her hipster glasses, self-deprecating humour or the way her breasts heave when she says “Benderspink”, but for anyone looking for a weekly dose of screenplay sales and Hollywood insider news there’s Script Girl, a woman and a writer whose style is best summarized by the sage-like mantra she offers at the end of each report: “Remember: You Can’t Sell It if You Don’t Write It”.

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  • TheAllKnowingGod

    “Remember that hot, yet surprisingly nerdy girl you used to go to high school with? You know, the kind of chick who could rock a mini-skirt and angora sweater while still quoting Star Wars and debating the finer points of old kung fu movies?”

    No. No, I DON’T!

  • rus in chicago

    ahhh yes I look forward to her two talents every week…I’ve never been so inspired to write…I want to send her my scripts in Final Draft form and leave dirty notes to her with the footnote function! oh yes I’m sure that will get her hot!

  • I like where your head’s at, Adam! Will you marry me?

    xoSG

  • “D”

    Who knew the way to SG’s heart was a well written article??? Good job Adam and have fun on the honeymoon. = )

    “D”

  • chromedome

    ScriptGirl is Smart, Sassy, Sexy, and Funny. The Whole Enchilada! (Though, I think the way to her heart is really to “say it with crepes”)

    Watch her weekly reports for sure, but also hunt down her outtake reels–lots of fun to be had there, too.

    Go, ScriptGirl.

  • chromedomeisgay

    You gotta raise them standards, G.

  • Are you kidding? Internet phenom? Each week she posts a bit on Aintitcool.com and gets lambasted for it. If her vids were done exclusively from the neck up, no one would watch. “Useful jargon?” – THAT’s a bit of a stretch isnt it?

    She seems like a geniunely nice, and mildly funny person. But “Joe Smith signed a contract to write a movie about something no ones ever heard of for a studio no one cares about and it might come out in 5 years” is not news. /yawn.

    Internet phenom? no, not quite.

  • Wow. A marriage proposal from sG herself. Nice work. And, you brought out the haters, too. Excellent.

  • VOLTAGE

    PEOPLE DIDN’T ADORE HER BECAUSE OH HER SPEECHES, SHE HAS BIG CLEAVAGE UNDER HIS BRA THAT’S IT. PEOPLE DOESN’T LISTEN TO HER BIG BREAST MADE HER POPULAR…..

  • LA writer

    I would hardly describe Script Girl as an “Internet phenomenon” considering her YouTube hit numbers have consistently been lackluster and only ranged in the mid-20,000 mark at best — other than on weeks when she and her friends have OBVIOUSLY sat around and tried to get her numbers up by continually hitting and refreshing her videos OR she’s artificially inflated her hit count by tagging and attaching a video to something else that’s hugely popular at the moment (for example, when she recently tagged her report to the Susan Boyles video that half of the world was fervently checking out).

    In fact, just to prove my point, in your article you have a screen capture for her report on 01-16-09. The following week, on 01-23-09, the number of viewers who checked her out barely crossed the 16,000 mark. So to label that an “Internet phenomenon” would be rather smirk-inducing.

    Not to mention, you left out the part that what she reads is cobbled together and swiped from existing online screenwriting resources, from people who actually did the hard work, and even then she still presents old and dated news. So, for trying to be an online reporter, Script Girl fails at doing the most basic thing in any journalistic endeavor: resourcing a story and its details herself.

    The bottom line: Script Girl’s reports are fairly valueless and only known for TWO things, both of which she routinely thrusts out at the camera week after week desperately hoping to get some attention for herself.

  • Goon

    not that I care about scriptgirl or anything, but i detect some professional jealousy.

    1 – youtube refreshes its view counts at weird intervals, which is why there are massive spikes between things.

    number 2 – i simply went to her youtube page and found anything but a 20,000 mark level viewcount

    300,000 – 800,000 hits on average it seems.
    considering that some of the major videos considered viral during the last election cycle (ie. Hillary CLinton’s Bosnia Trip) got around that amount, I’d say she’s doing well enough.

  • xego

    This is great!!
    and ScriptGirl is sooo hot…thanks for making me aware.

    I didn’t know there was a scriptwriting feature on filmjunk how cool,,thanks I will be reading and posting,,,that was a warning!

  • Oh thanks mate thats just what ive been looking for.