Hell Ride (DVD)
Written and Directed by: Larry Bishop
Starring: Larry Bishop, Michael Madsen, Eric Balfour, Dennis Hopper, Vinnie Jones, David Carradine

With Quentin Tarantino routinely taking a good 3 or 4 years in between directorial projects, it’s understandable that his fans would be clamoring for just about every little movie that the man chooses to associate himself with. Indeed, he has become a fairly reliable brand name in the industry: simply slap Quentin Tarantino on a movie poster and watch the box office respond in kind. Except… well, there was that whole Grindhouse debacle last year, and although his “Quentin Tarantino Presents…” banner started with relatively successful movies like Hero and Hostel, it has since been applied to Hostel: Part II and Killshot (a movie with so much negative buzz that it has sat in limbo without release since 2006).

Now comes Larry Bishop’s Hell Ride, another retro love letter to the genre films of yesteryear with Quentin Tarantino executive producing. The difference here is that Bishop himself was the star of a number of late ’60s/early ’70s exploitation biker flicks (including The Savage Seven and Angel Unchained), and he brings a certain level of authenticity to the project. Tarantino got a chance to meet Bishop through producer Laura Cayouette, and told him that it was his “destiny” to write and direct the best biker movie ever made. Five or so years later, Hell Ride was born.

Now I’m no expert on biker movies, but it seems to me that Hell Ride has managed to miss the mark in a pretty big way (although it’s certainly not for lack of trying). Bishop and Tarantino assembled a downright bad ass cast for Hell Ride, including Michael Madsen, Vinnie Jones, David Carradine and Dennis Hopper. How is it possible to have so much machismo on screen, and yet ultimately deliver very little in the way of interesting action or dialogue? Sure, they all have cool nicknames like “The Gent”, “Eddie Zero” and “The Deuce”, but the characters have very little to distinguish themselves from each other, and the back story is a bit confusing, if not downright boring.

Bishop himself stars as Pistolero, the leader of the Victors, who is seeking vengeance for the death of his main squeeze at the hands of rival gang the 666ers. However, there is also a secret revealed about the young one they call Comanche (Eric Balfour) that complicates things. For the most part, I had no idea who was fighting who or why in this movie. I understood the general revenge plot, but there was also a promise to protect a mysterious stash, and the threat of mutiny as well. There seemed to be a lot of double crossing going on, but I didn’t understand why.

True to the genre, the movie has plenty of sex and violence, which might be enough for some viewers. However, with a slow pace that seems to be trying to emulate Sergio Leone, the movie just isn’t nearly as fun as I thought it should have been. The dialogue in particular is laughably bad. It felt like Bishop was trying to inject some Tarantino wit into the script, but it’s painful to watch line after line come across more clunky than campy. (Actual quote: “Your thoughtfulness has given me the burning bush. Glad to have the fire marshall arrive on the scene. Extinguish the fire, Mr. Fire Chief. How about we get that fire hose out?”)

I will admit that it is enjoyable to watch both Michael Madsen and Dennis Hopper when they are on screen since they somehow manage to take their ridiculous lines and still have fun with them, but Bishop seems to be taking things maybe a little too seriously for his own good. It’s also hard not to raise an eyebrow when you realize that his own character is written in such a way that he is either nailing hot chicks or turning them down in almost every single scene.

The recent FX series Sons of Anarchy is a serious crime drama and looks at biker gangs in terms of organized crime rings, but Hell Ride certainly makes no such claims. It is a throwback to an era gone by and subscribes to a theory of style over substance, but unfortunately the style isn’t all that captivating either. Seeing every character introduced with a freeze frame and a caption displaying their nickname gets old after the first few times. I was reminded of both Tony Scott’s Domino (not all that surprising considering it was a favourite of Tarantino’s), and Rob Zombie’s The Devil’s Rejects, both movies that seemingly proclaim themselves to be a lot cooler than they really are.

On the plus side, Hell Ride does actually look really nice, although in some ways it betrays the retro grindhouse feel; cinematographer Scott Kevan has also worked on Death Race and Stomp The Yard. The soundtrack was also pretty decent, with a collection of cool surf and ’60s rock and roll tunes not unlike Pulp Fiction or Desperado.

Ultimately your love for this movie will depend on whether or not you see Larry Bishop as the real deal (ie. an auteur with talent), or just one of Tarantino’s idols who was given a shot that he didn’t really deserve. The DVD is filled with plenty of extras including an audio commentary track with Bishop and Scott Kevan, and a number of featurettes detailing The Making Of Hell Ride, plus the Babes, Guys and Choppers seen in the film. Last but not least, we also get exclusive access to Michael Madsen’s Video Diary! Sweet deal. Some of these things may go a long way to convincing you that Bishop is a man with a vision, but I’m still not completely sold on the movie. If you ask me, it made for a much better trailer than feature film, and as pathetic as this might sound, the whole time I couldn’t help wishing that Tarantino had simply wrote and directed the thing himself. But hey, if it helps any, I think the DVD just might have the coolest artwork I’ve seen this year! — Sean

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