Treknobabble is a continuing series of columns written by uber-Trekkie Reed Farrington in anticipation of the upcoming J.J. Abrams Star Trek movie.

You want to know why I hate J.J. Abrams’ Star Trek already? Because of the inevitability to incorporate the concept of “Time Traveling World Saviours”(c)!

The thing I hate about Star Trek movies (as well as the novels) is that they have to have epic plots. In the end, the heroes save the world or even the universe! Why do the stakes have to be so high?

Because Star Trek started as a television series, there’s an underlying mentality that takes hold in thinking with the increased money and time for a movie that the moviegoer will expect something more than what a television episode can provide. And when a Star Trek movie doesn’t draw in huge audiences, moviemakers would rather not bother with smaller budgets and settle for smaller gains since if a big budget movie won’t draw in an audience, then their thinking is that a small budget movie will bring in no audience at all with no consideration for the loyal and considerable fanbase that does exist.

Even though not a critical success, the first motion picture managed to make a profit despite the indecision from movie executives. Gene Roddenberry, unfortunately, had to be the scape goat. Paramount in its wisdom, and also because they knew there was an audience for Star Trek, made the next movie using their television division. But there was a general feeling that if any successive Star Trek movie bombed at the box-office, then the movie franchise would end, at least for that generation of the crew. George Takei made this point whenever he was interviewed at the time the original series crew was still being used in the movies. At times, it almost seemed like a threat that Trekkies need to support the movies at the box-office or else there would be no more movies.

The Star Trek movies always had the crutch of the various television series to rely on for characters and ideas. (Unfortunately, the various television series ended up stagnating to the majority of the audience.) Time travel was one idea that had figured in many of the more popular television episodes. Because the various television series spanned a period of time beyond the lifespan of a single human individual, time travel was a neat gimmick to tie the various characters from different television series together. But the screenwriters never resorted to this easy gimmick or at least no attempts ever made it to the screen. Instead, time travel was used because it was fun to see the Star Trek crews interact with individuals of our time, and it saved money on set construction and dressing. Also with time travel, one could explore aspects of the Star Trek timeline the way First Contact had. Another use of time travel could be to explore the lifespan of a single non-human individual like a member of the Vulcan race.

And because we have the budget to do so, do we really need a big explosion to signal the end of a movie? All of the Star Trek movies have had explosions at the end: V’Ger implodes in the union of Ilia and Decker, the Genesis Device explodes, the U.S.S. Enterprise and the Genesis planet explode, Starfleet Command in San Francisco (sort of) explodes, the fake God explodes, the Klingon Battlecruiser explodes, the U.S.S. Enterprise D (sort of) and Soran’s missile explode, the torpedoes headed for the Phoenix and the Borg Queen (sort of) explode, the Son’a’s thermolytic injector explodes, and in the last movie, the Romulan Scimitar ship explodes! In J.J. Abrams’ Star Trek, I’m expecting something damn well better explode at the end of the movie!

The success of the movie First Contact confirmed Rick Berman’s instincts that combining two popular elements, time travel and the Borg, would appeal to the moviegoing audience. But how many times can you reuse the same plot elements? (Seems like the James Bond series hasn’t done too badly making the same movie over and over again with the same formula.) Do you succumb to the blockbuster mentality and make some huge, mindless entertainment for the masses? Because of the first movie’s success, the Star Trek franchise has become associated with the other blockbuster franchises. The rescheduling of J.J. Abrams’ Star Trek only confirms the expectations that this latest Star Trek project has behind it. (Oh, I guess having a $200 million dollar budget already speaks volumes about how much is on the line with this Star Trek project. With this kind of budget, I’d hope that someone would have invented a real-working transporter for the film. (Yeah, I know, the author of The Physics of Star Trek claims that a transporter will never be invented.))

I remember all the arguments people had in the 70s regarding how Star Trek should be resurrected after the original series became so popular in reruns. Even the executives that controlled the Star Trek property kept flip-flopping between making a new television series, a series of television movies, or making a feature film. It was the success of Star Wars that finally enabled the executives to make their decision. And then the process of coming up with a feature film worthy script was an ordeal in itself.

One of Gene Roddenberry’s original ideas (well, original in terms of being proposed) was to have Kirk and company time travel to prevent John F. Kennedy’s assassination! I can’t remember if the idea was that Kennedy’s assassination couldn’t be tampered with, or if in Star Trek’s timeline, Kennedy was not assassinated. Yikes, talk about destroying the hopes of Trekkies everywhere if we discovered that we’re living in a timeline without Star Trek’s future! You can imagine how controversial this idea was, so I think the executives quickly vetoed this idea.

Another idea was to have Kirk and company meet God. Yes, you heard me (or read me), the real, one and only, true God! (Man, I’m using a lot of exclamation marks. My typing finger is getting hoarse.) Seeing that Roddenberry didn’t believe in God, I wonder what direction the script headed towards. There was supposed to be a book version of this script published as “The God Thing.” I think legal wrangles prevented this book from ever being published. Surely there must be a leaked version of this book on the Internet. (You can find anything on the Internet. I’m sure there are blueprints for a real-working transporter on the Internet somewhere. But there’s probably a broken link to get to it.)

One of the things I liked about Star Trek V was the camping stuff in Yosemite Park with Kirk, Spock, and McCoy. I thought Spock’s analysis of the “Row, Row, Row Your Boat” lyric was spot on. (Yes, Roddenberry was jealous that Shatner got to do a Star Trek meets God story.) I guess in a fictional universe, it’s good to have the time traveling world saviours out there. But give me a scene where the time traveling world saviours are kicking back, roasting marshmallows, and I’ll be in proverbial heaven.